Apparently, Naropa University is searching for a new President… and since I need a new job, I think this would be a perfect match… if only they weren’t so mired in fraud. So, I write a letter to the search committee and throw my hat in the ring. After all, if I am going to be President of Naropa University, big changes are going to have to be made to the institution. Big changes indeed.
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Jessica Sideways and I am requesting consideration for the position of president of Naropa University. Now, I am certain that a number of you may have heard of me and in less than positive manners. After all, I have been sued by Naropa for the crime of telling the truth about Naropa University online. The reason why Naropa University apparently does not want the truth about itself to be revealed is that Naropa University is an institution mired in fraud and scandal. It hurts a great deal of it’s faculty, staff, student and alumni – as well as the world at large.
So, why in the world would I be applying to a position at a University that I feel is mired in fraud and scandal? Because I believe that it needs to be saved so that the good people that attend Naropa University can actually get value for their educational dollar. Because I believe that Naropa University can function without the fraud and abuse that it has become so intertwined with. Because I am a skeptic, with a clear vision which is not clouded with religious admiration of Chogyam Trungpa and I can tell you the truth. Because I am the best thing for Naropa University and therefore, the least likely person to be considered for the position of it’s president.
You see, I know full well that the Board of Trustees will not have the courage to select me as president of Naropa University – because they are not interested in running a clean house with someone that will stop all of the fraud and abuse and help to make reparations to those harmed by Naropa University. I am pretty confident that the Board of Trustees will select someone that will allow the culture of abuse to go on unchecked, while offering false lofty promises. So I do this in vein, with the glimmering hope that at least one person at Naropa University isn’t interested in perpetuating the fraud and abuse this institution is known for.
So, if you are interested in cleaning house and running a quality institution that provides a quality education, I am the person you should contact. If not, then there are a number of cult-head bozos that you can probably spiff up for the job.
Any takers on how successful I could be at getting the job of Queen of Shit Heap Mountain, I mean President of Naropa University? ;-P
UPDATE: I got an automated reply from the search committee. Woot!
Thank you for your interest in our search for the President of Naropa University. If you are an applicant, we want to assure you that we will carefully review your material. If you have nominated someone, we will be sure to share your nomination with our client.
A draft of the position profile has been attached for your review. This draft will be finalized mid-February and we will e-mail the new version to you as soon as it is completed.
A thorough search and serious consideration of all candidates takes time; we appreciate your patience. We will contact you if we need more information.
Again, thank you again for your interest in this exciting opportunity.
***This is an automatic response***
And of course, here’s the document that was attached. So, who thinks I could be in the running. Anyone? No? Okay, then.